Callie Reads... The Kybalion 🤮: 1, the introduction

2024 October 14

So, the Hermetic House of Life discord server is doing a weekly read-along of The Kybalion. And I have been press-ganged into participating.

If you don't know, this book is complete dogshit. Written in the early 20th century by a sales guy, William Walker Atkinson, it's a New Thought book pretending to be ancient wisdom from Egypt. It's most likely the reason why the random occultist you thought of just now is a sexist asshole. Or, really, the reason why they believe their culturally-inherited sexism is a fundamental building block of the universe.

Should you wish to join us in this foolhardiness, the book can be read here.

Here, for your delectation, are the things I said when I read the title page and introduction.

A Study of The Hermetic Philosophy of Ancient Egypt and Greece

Weasel words. What does "study" mean in this context?

"THE LIPS OF WISDOM ARE CLOSED, EXCEPT TO THE EARS OF UNDERSTANDING"

Special pleading.

Dedication is an appeal to authority


There has been so little written upon this subject, not withstanding the countless references to the Teachings in the many works upon occultism

Both demonstrating a poor understanding of the historical material and weasel words, inoculating them against criticism from the first claim by hand waving references to undefined "teachings"

I'm not even sure what to call the graph about the master key except obvious hokum. It can't be philosophy because that would require rigor and open him to criticisms from philosophers, but somehow it will reconcile all the reading one has done like it's a philosophy.

It's interesting Atkinson shows his hand in this graph though: he can't build anything, just try to raid what's already been made.


From the land of the Ganges many advanced occultists wandered to the land of Egypt, and sat at the feet of the Master. From him they obtained the Master-Key which explained and reconciled their divergent views, and thus the Secret Doctrine was firmly established. From other lands also came the learned ones, all of whom regarded Hermes as the Master of Masters, and his influence was so great that in spite of the many wanderings from the path on the part of the centuries of teachers in these different lands, there may still be found a certain basic resemblance and correspondence which underlies the many and often quite divergent theories entertained and taught by the occultists of these different lands today.

Oh there's the perennialism, which is to say, there's the racism. He's explicitly claiming Indian wisdom comes from Egypt, and specifically Hermes, while repeatedly mentioning "Secret Doctrine," in order to squirrel this away between Hermes and Blavatsky, laying claim to the entirety of Theosophy.

These men have never sought popular approval, nor numbers of followers.

Special pleading: they're more virtuous than the people you've heard of and also that very virtue is the reason you've never heard of them, and not, say, that they sucked and nobody cares for their ideas.

They are of course sheer fiction but still. This works to both impress fools and also protect Atkinson from people asking why they've never heard of this "ancient" stuff before now.

And the quoting of the text we were supposed to be reading begins in earnest. Althusser he isn't.


... which teaching is stated in The Kybalion as follows: "Where fall the footsteps of the Master, the ears of those ready for his Teaching open wide."

This also doesn't really make sense. He's making his case, pretty strenuously, for this being totally obscure until now because the elect (let's be honest about this, the stink of Calvin is all over this special pleading, even if it is via Blavatsky and the secret masters) chose not to sully themselves with the common folk.

Ok. Sure. But that line implies people would hear the wisdom wherever the elect go

Additionally, if virtue was in keeping silent, what idiot is writing this book?


There are those who have criticized this attitude of the Hermetists, and who have claimed that they did not manifest the proper spirit in their policy of seclusion and reticence. But a moment's glance back over the pages of history will show the wisdom of the Masters, who knew the folly of attempting to teach to the world that which it was neither ready or willing to receive. The Hermetists have never sought to be martyrs, and have, instead, sat silently aside with a pitying smile on their closed lips, while the "heathen raged noisily about them" in their customary amusement of putting to death and torture the honest but misguided enthusiasts who imagined that they could force upon a race of barbarians the truth capable of being understood only by the elect who had advanced along The Path.

This is is just genuinely disgusting, like this is vile. It both condescends to anyone who ever tries to improve society at all and also paints all of history's martyrs, real or legendary, as fools. It can easily be read as insulting to all of Christianity, and I'm not a Christian but that's still offensive.

I am somewhat affirmed in my moral judgment of Kybalion stans. This is the intro and it's revealing Atkinson's true colors (whether it's true or not, we're all aware of his sales tactics). If you read this and think it's the book for you, you either skimmed this part or you're an asshole.

Oh, and also special pleading. Again.


In this little work we have endeavored to give you an idea of the fundamental teachings of The Kybalion

"Don't worry your pretty little head, I'll explain the tough old teachings"

A dodge to explain why this isn't the book you just tried to buy, but instead someone constantly quoting it.

Which is somewhat clever, as the book doesn't exist, so now you're criticizing his quotation of it rather than its fraudulent nature.